Ever been so busy with absolutely nothing? Things that dont matter, that dont hold weight eternally and so youre left feeling empty and hollow, filled up with meaningless rubbish that wont increase my knowledge of Jesus or bring me closer to Him. Its a funny thing to be so busy; softball every day, leadership conventions, debate and speech, art projects, youth group, worship practice, breaking up with your boyfriend...when you know that none of these things will benefit you if Jesus is put on the back burner.
Confession: Jesus was on the waaaaay back burner this month. Therefore, life has sucked.
Just yesterday, i broke. it actually started the night before when i went to sleep at a decent hour and yet i was awake all night and in all actuality only got ONE hour of sleep. i tossed and turned, uncomfortable, nauseous, my mind spinning at a hundred miles an hour. i knew Jesus had something to say to me but i couldnt shut up my mind long enough to actually hear His voice. i missed out on something really good, because ive been busy with nothing.
So when my dad finally confronted me and asked what he could do to help, i lost it. I was spread too thin. i didnt know how to say no, i was prideful so i told him he couldnt do anything, and i just cried it out. Yes, i was physically tired, but my emotions have never felt so run down either. My realization, after living a month of absolutely no quiet times, Jesus hit this one on me:
LIVE LIKE I DIED FOR YOU.
Well, crap. Theres conviction for you. He called me out on my pride, laziness, and depression in 6 words. You know He's God when He can do that!
So now im buckling down. Im thankful for my family, who supports my endeavors and yet is courageous enough to call me out. Im thankful for mentors in my life, who listen and then give sound wisdom. And then theres Christ. He saved me and it is my call as a disciple to shake this weight of emptiness off and find fullness in Him.
Oh praise the one who paid my debt, and raised this life up from the dead!