i broke up with my boyfriends exactly a week ago (ironically, around this time of night, actually). I know what i did was right and absolutely necessary; for once in our eight month relationship i was being honest with myself; we didnt mesh. We were so opposite our personalities were constantly clashing, and i was emotionally exhausted at working to like someone, who i knew in my heart of hearts was not the one for me.
all that being said, im not happy. No, i'm not regretting my decision whatsoever; i know what i did was right. But, what sucks is having to deal with the aftermath of breaking a 17 year old boy's heart. I feel like a murderer. I feel selfish, rude, and sadistic, though none of these emotions make sense. His constant reminders that not only does he still exist but he wants to be my friend (which, by the way, can be much worse than hatred) are killing me. I cant handle this. i thought the after math of the break up was supposed to be very quiet with little or no interaction between both parties. i can tell you now, my friend, that has not been my experience.
When you ask God to give you focus, or you ask Him for patience, dont expect a little gold box labeled either to come floating down from the heavens. No, God gives us opportunities to be focused in our walk with Him, and he gives us impatient situations to make patience. Because Im so confident i made the right decision, i know God has something specific to teach me...and im almost positive hes going to teach me by stretching the heck out of me.
Im praying for Nathan, that the Lord be His comforter and best friend. I pray Nathan will one day understand that i made this decision because i want the absolute best for him,and i couldnt give him that. I hope one day he looks back and understands, and loves me platonically as his sister. That will be the day that will make all this worth it.
Listening to: Too much Paramore, and Droplets by Colbie Caillat
Reading: Frankenstein, by Mary Shelley
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